Reasons to Hate CaoWei Host by SilentNinja
by SilentNinja
Summary: Wei, the most powerful of the three gets the spotlight in this talk show hosted by the author SilentNinja. What is the true behind the fraction? Why did Jin exist? The Wei characters tell it all and Shu and Wu be the judge. Zhen Ji bashing! Poor Her...


Disclaimer: I don't own DW/ROT3K

A/N: Hmm, it's time we bring out the worst in Cao Wei. LOL Cao!

Reasons to Hate CaoWei Host by SilentNinja

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The talk show begins with the announcer calling out the host of the show. A group of thirteen people all sit around their seats. SilentNinja sits on the top center of the cast and welcomes the audience with loud roars. Fans of Wei, Shu, Wu, and of course …Jin.

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen! I'm SilentNinja, your host and I proudly present an hour of soup with the kingdom of Wei and their contributors!" SilentNinja announced.

He presents the officers of Wei, Cao Cao, Cao Pi, Sima Yi, Zhang Liao, Xiahou Dun, Xiahou Yuan, Dian Wei, Xu Zhu, Zhang He, Xu Huang, Pang De, Cao Ren and Zhen Ji.

"I wanna die…." Zhen Ji groaned.

"Hey, Dian Wei, we're on TV live!" Xu Zhu waves his hands to his scholarly father watching on TV.

"Yeah, Zhongkang, at least you outlived me…" Dian Wei whimpered. He remains Wei's zombie, a dead horse to Cao family's rise to power.

"Heh…look at this father, we're the most popular, the best. I told you we did everything to make this kingdom better than its predecessors," Cao Pi crossed his arms satisfied.

"……." Cao Cao stared at the crowd not reacting.

"As long as the Xiahou Family with me and Xiahou Dun prosper, right Yuanrang?" Xiahou Yuan elbowed his brother.

"Sigh…all I can think about is being fodder to this Kingdom," Xiahou Dun glared at his brother not sharing the compliments.

"Why are you all complaining? We made it this far and now some of you aren't satisfied," Cao Pi said, hoping they rest assure that they're the most popular kingdom of its time.

"I heard Wu still out lived Wei…what happened while I was dead?" Zhang Liao asked.

"You're going to find out soon, Wenyuan," Sima Yi thought, hiding an evil chuckle.

"I can't believe I got killed by a mediocre general, after I reach my prime at Fan castle…." Xu Huang sighed.

"That doesn't compare to how I died…." Zhang He whispered.

"Damn, you too, Junyi! I think we're being set up with our deaths for a sinister propose," Xu Huang and Zhang He both turn to look at Sima Yi.

Sima Yi remain calm and he stands up to give his fans a loud roar along with the Jin ist.

"I'm truly the best…" Sima Yi gazed at the audience.

"Booo!! BOO!!" Shu, Wu, and Cao Cao fans booed.

"He ain't better than Cao Cao!! Traitor!!" Cao Cao fan jeered.

"Aw, shut up! At least, I'm not dumb to fall into such a petty plot like that fluke called Chi Bi," Sima Yi returned to his seat.

"Can somebody explain me why Sima Yi is contributing into my army?" Cao Cao rolleyed.

"He's a match for Zhuge Liang," Zhang He pointed at the Sleeping Dragon who is sitting at the audience next to Jiang Wei and Yue Ying.

"Oh please…he wasn't at the first northern campaign historically, I've met his friend Hao Zhao at Chencang terribly underestimated him…" Zhuge Liang shook his head displeased ith his rival's arrogance.

"Kong ming lose battles!? I'm now died a happy man!" Zhou Yu rejoiced.

"Cao Zhen pays a tribute to our victory, but I was the one that made it happen because of that idiot Ma Su," Zhang He said.

"And we all told Zhuge Liang to put Wu Yi or someone else as the Van leader instead of Ma Su. Due to Ma Su's loss, the decoy plan became pointless and I have to lose to someone like Cao Zhen by retreating…" Zhao Yun glared at Zhuge Liang.

"The whole thing is my fault, you didn't deserve this humiliation Zilong," Zhuge Liang winced.

"And yet we both got demoted…." Zilong rolleyed.

"So, Sima Yi and Cao Zhen win Northern Campaigns by just the sloppiness of Zhuge Liang, big deal. Yet, you all failed to capture Zhao Yun! Why?" Cao Cao urged.

"What's so good about Zhao Yun father? I said before 'Shu is but a petty state and has had only one general of renown, Guan Yu. Now that Guan Yu is dead the army is overthrown, the whole country is possessed by worry and fear;' and look at what brought that kingdom into ruin!" Cao Pi pointed at the ShuHan officers who exchange snarls at the usurper.

"I've already surpassed Guan Yu, heck the entire Five Tiger Generals..." Zhao Yun muttered.

"He beaten me at Han Shui and you all failed to capture Guan Yu before Wu does!" Cao Cao pointed at Zhao Yun defending the hero's contribution.

"Well, Wu been bragging for our help and yet Sun Quan foolishly solicited with us and became my vassal," Cao Pi turns to Sun Quan showing wrathful eyes on Zhongmou's incompetency.

Sun Ce, Sun Jian and every officer that died before it happened turn to Sun Quan.

"Wha...I don't even have a choice! We were losing badly..." Sun Quan was cut short.

"...before my fire attack," Lu Xun added.

"Boyun, if you're going to surpass me, its best you handle difficult situations without allying with a petty kingdom," Zhou Yu referenced.

"Well...It was Ziming and Zhongmou's idea; I just give my thoughts on the matter. At least, I won a victory at Shi Ting without allying with the Caos," Lu Xun explained.

"You see father, Wu fears Wei. Chi Bi wouldn't make much of a different at all," Cao Pi cleared his throat and relax comfortable drinking grape wine.

"Didn't I kick his arse at Guan Ling!? What's up with that man's attitude? Wu has restore it's honor and fear with me on their side!" Xu Sheng pointed his finger at Cao Pi furiously.

"Hmm? I thought you're just a replacement commander, not very important to Wu or am I judging Wu biased...Oh well, if it wasn't for the damned Chang Jiang, that's the only reason why Wu still lived the longest," Cao Pi rubbed his chin.

"He was scared of my moving fake castle plot," Xu Sheng told the whole audience.

"HAHAHAHAHAH LOL CAO!" the audience laughed.

"Cao Pi a faker! Booo!!" All Wu ist jeered.

"To learn of my son's disgrace...was Cao Zhi that stupid compare to Pi?" Cao Cao shook his head.

"Eh? I was only stupid because of my drinking, not my wise talent," Cao Zhi twitched his eyebrow.

"Zhijian, you have no business to speak of Wei's contributions, get lost!" Cao Pi snarled.

"Should I have lead the army, brother..." Cao Zhang glared at his fodder brother.

"So that explains why Wu had not yet been conquered after my death," Zhang Liao nodded sadly.

"At least, your contributions at He Fei were not in vain. They didn't take an ounce of our land," Xu Huang said.

"I wanna die! I wanna die!" Zhen Ji whined.

"Shut up woman! I knew Pi just married this whore because of her looks and now I have to babysit her son on military affairs," Sima Yi scold.

"Huh!? I thought I did better than my father here and I scored a success at He Fei castle without Sima Yi," Cao Rui looked confuse.

"Whatever, brat I gave good consulting anyway..." Sima Yi sighed.

"If it wasn't for my recommendation of you," Cao Pi glared at Sima Yi.

"Zhen Ji has nothing to do with Wei, yet her big mouth is irritating. Pi, please add me into the contribution," Guo Wang requested.

"Sigh, there was already our servant girl I adopted for Cao Pi and yet there's Zhen Ji," Cao Cao shrugged.

"Of course, Lady Guo helped me a lot on..." before Cao Pi could tell of her contributions, Zhao Yun reveal it all.

"Dethroning the Han Empire, defiled Bao Xin's son, declines his mother, plotting in killing his brother Cao Zhi and the remaining followers of his succession," Zhao Yun told it all on the list.

"Hahah, that's like how Liu Bang told his claims on Xiang Yu's treachery when Chu took Liu Bang's father and wife," Sun Ce said.

Cao Pi rubbed his head, he could not stand all this non sense, "Cao Zhi is an idiot, Bao Xin's son broke a law in my authority, mother shouldn't interference with government affairs without my approval which is what Guo Wang had obeyed and became my Empress, and Han is Dead blind loyal dog!"

"I don't recall having the dynasty dethroned or perhaps..." Cao Cao wondered how this turned out.

"Father, when you executed Dong Cheng and Fu Wan, you put our family as the Consort Clan and have Cao Jie marry Emperor Xian. From here, the possibility of Han dethronement triggered," Cao Zhi crafty explained.

"Dong Cheng and Fu Wan are threaten a Han subject, it's the law, Cao Zhi!" Cao Pi countered.

"Cao Cao, you and your petty family speak of laws, but the Consort Clan holds the power backing with the Emperor traitor!!" Dong Cheng shouted.

"But, why plan an assassination of me fool?! I got people backing me up, your own clan set your downfall and you too Fu Wan for not keeping your big mouth shut!" Cao Cao urged back.

"I wanna die! I wanna die!" Zhen Ji continues crying.

"SHUT THE HELL UP WHORE!!" Cao Pi slapped her hard making her lips bleed just like in the scene of Where The Legend Begins.

"She's such a crybaby historically. Having to be a bad girl in Dynasty Warriors because they want to make your relationship with Cao Pi perfect," Guo Wang mocked.

"And here I have the right to break of ties with you Cao Cao. I'll never serve a rat who abuse authority using the Emperor's name as a backing," Liu Bei said.

"You're just a hypocrite who turns his back on his Han loyalist and attacking us in revenge on Guan Yu's death!" Sun Quan pointed fingers at Liu Bei slandering Xuande's judgement.

"And all my work and loyalty serving him became pointless..." Zhao Yun muttered.

"Doesn't matter, he's the Imperial Uncle and Wu are traitors to the Han," Zhuge Liang waved his fan giving wrathful looks at Wu.

"Didn't I just declare my independent before all of you can call my guys traitors to the Han? I 've just gave the imperial seal to the REAL traitor back there," Sun Ce pointed at Yuan Shu.

"I own Wu even after I died. I own your father boy, and nearly proposed your mother..." Yuan Shu scoffed.

"Ew, mother, don't tell me you had sex with him," Sun Shang Xiang strangled her mother Wu Guotai.

"All of you idiots should be grateful to have been the most popular kingdom in the Three Kingdoms period and Cao Pi, it was I who advise you to dethrone the Han so the people will follow the Cao family even if the time of the Han is coming to an end," Sima Yi waved his fan.

"..." Cao Cao turns to Sima Yi wondering what the hell he is talking about.

"Go on father..." Sima Zhao whispered at the audience.

"Using Zhang He and Xu Huang, they're renounced as Han's famous generals and now two of the Five Tiger Generals of Wei. I own them, and they died for glory to a flawed family and the very kingdom I manipulated, they have my deepest condolence and shall never be forgotten in history. Which makes them more popular than the likes of rebel scum like Zhao Yun and Huang Zhong," Sima Yi smirked.

"You've used us just for your petty gains..." Xu Huang choked.

"Sigh, even I feared this and don't have much of a choice, but get killed out there in the 4th Northern Campaign where Shu won," Zhang He nodded.

"Shouldn't you fools have killed him!? Anyone!?" Cao Cao scanned into the audience for other remaining Cao loyalist.

"Father, I was loyalty to Wei and the Cao family, Sima Yi's sons turned their backs and disregarded the legacy killing Cao Mao and among others," Chen Tai mourned on Chen Qun's lap.

"I should have kept Chen Qun in my side so Chen Tai shall be a Shu officer..." Liu Bei said with regret.

"Hahahah! You have no eye on true talent! Nobody wants to join a talentless hypocrite, except your surname!" Sima Yi laughed. His speech becomes more deceitful, it's hard to call him a bad guy when he's trying to set things right in his own mind.

"Sima Yi nearly wiped out the Xiahou family and Cao Shuang's supporters! I flee to Shu to tell the whole tale about Sima family's teachery!" Xiahou Ba said.

"Ba, you sided with Shu!?" Xiahou Yuan look shocked.

"Father, Xiahou Ling is alright and Zhang Fei didn't rape her," Xiahou Ba explained.

"Really?! I was dead before I can see my niece..." Xiahou Yuan burst in tears.

"I thought ShuHan wants to execute all Cao family and Xiahou families if they restored the Han," Cao Rui look even more confused.

"I'm glad we reformed a couple of former Wei officers..." Jiang Wei nodded.

"Speak for yourself, loser. Seven times, and disowned Shuhan," Deng Ai taunted.

"Shut up! It's Liu Chan's fault for my losses!" Jiang Wei turns to his rival pissed.

"I also like to thank Deng Ai, whom I taught him everything! The ultimate warrior structure who conquer Shu!" Sima Yi praised at Deng Ai.

"Wait, Deng Ai, is that the brat from Ru Nan? I should have giving an eye on his talents," Cao Cao rubbed his beard.

"Too bad, he contributes to Jin now!" Sima Zhao said.

"But...but I'm loyalty to Wei!" Deng Ai countered.

"You've been helping those traitors in order to establish a foothold for Jin Dynasty!" Xiahou Ba shook his head in disagreement.

"Had my contribution became all for nothing..." Deng Ai sighed.

"Just how many Sima loyalists are in Wei?" Cao Cao glared at his son.

"Sima Yi, I think you should explain this..." Cao Pi turns to his rebellions minister.

"Hahaha, the 'great' Cao family and they still didn't get it. The answer was right in front of you," Sima Yi pointed out a group of Wei officers, some who were responsible for supporting Cao Pi as successor and some who support the anti Cao Shaung.

"Unbelievable...even my son Pang Hui!?" Pang De shocked to see his son within the group.

"Everyone of them, backing me up, loved my sharp talents and governing, oh and I own Cao Zhen, a pity of his kin being all owned by me," Sima Yi glance at his supporters.

"You just rip me off, you fool! I should have dismissed you from my ranks, yet Pi and the others relate on this traitor!" Cao Cao threw his chair at Sima Yi, but Sima Yi dodged it and laugh.

"All of them are a bunch of cowards! I could have killed Cao Cao and his brats when I had the change at Yan Zhou!" Lu Bu urged.

"And you're a stupid beast who just wanted to play petty war games terrorizing innocents!" Cao Cao shouted.

"Why did you kill my father and my clan, you murder?! We're sick of you treating us as slaves!" Ma Chao threatens to leap out of the audience to the stage, but Ma Dai and Zhang Fei restrained him.

"You have no right to question my authority barbarian! It was me that granted you fame in the war against the Yuans," Cao Cao wrathfully glared at the Qiang rebel.

"It was me that advised the alliance with Cao Cao and Ma Teng..." Zhong Yao sighed.

"Cao Cao, you're nothing but a fluke who fights idiots like Lu Bu and Yuan Shu! I should have won at Guan Du," Yuan Shao urged.

"Zhang He, are you satisfied of serving a numbskull?" Cao Cao turned to Zhang He waiting for his answer.

Zhang He just turned down on the floor in shame.

"Nobody wants you to win, not even Zhen Ji," Cao Pi scoffed.

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!!" Zhen Ji screamed in protest.

"Whore, only winners take all, and you are mine," Cao Pi slowly gave Zhen Ji a wrathful look. She could not stop crying about being a part of Wei.

"You've just met her, but never knew the real her," Zhao Yun defended Zhen Ji.

"I never heard anything from her about you, peasant," Cao Pi turns to the most annoying guy he knew and the two eyes struck lighting of hatred.

"Yeah, stay out of this bum!" Yuan Shao nodded.

"If he's a bum and a peasant, why am I seeing him wearing noble attire right now? And the fact that he defeated me, not Zhuge Liang, not Liu Bei, and definitely not Guan Yu," Cao Cao defended Zhao Yun.

"If it wasn't for Zhao Yun, we wouldn't have gotten this tough at the later campaigns," Guo Huai emerged from the audience.

"Zhao Yun should be a General of Wei and we throw Yu Jin out of our kingdom for exchange," Cao Ren glared at Yu Jin the flop.

"Why does everybody hate me...?" Yu Jin whimpered.

"I'm the greatest general in the troubled times and yet Liu Bei got people like him..." Cao Cao sighed.

"Zilong will never do anything with you sexist pigs..." Zhen Ji thought.

"I shouldn't have done anything for Cao Cao at Guan Du..." Guan Yu smacked his head.

"Why kill Yan Liang, you mindless droid!?" Yuan Shao pointed at Guan Yu engulf with fury.

"Because Guan Yu is an idiot," Lu Meng snickered

"I didn't know he was looking for me or my brother serving Yuan Shao," Guan Yu defended himself.

"He's really the Fraud of War!" All of Wu unison.

"I'm sick of hearing Guan Yu and I'm sick of Zhao Yun! Cousin, those two are just a bunch of Liu Bei loving blind men!" Xiahou Dun barked.

"They're the reason why Liu Bei was loved by the people," Cao Cao said.

"But, we're the most popular! They're just a bunch of losers!" Xiahou Dun bashed.

"What are we without Guan Yu at Guan Du? Does Zhao Yun exist if Chang Ban and Han Shui were staged?" Cao Cao questioned.

"Ugh..." Xiahou Dun walked off the stage and smashed something before he leaves.

"It doesn't matter, father. We're still the best kingdom, just stay by the facts," Cao Pi said.

"I'm beginning to realize we cheated to become powerful and stabilize the Han government, so I want nothing to do with Wei anymore," Cao Cao scooted his son and sat down getting some aspirin and water for his headache.

"You've cheated to have so many women!" a Wu fangirl shouted at the audience.

"You can't blame me, their husbands' loss to me and I'm charismatic, the perfect man for every woman," Cao Cao slip his drink.

"Same goes to me," Cao Pi nodded.

"Same here," Sima Yi joined the group.

"Me too," Cao Rui smiled innocently.

"I can't believe you influence with such wicked ways! You're no longer my son!" Zhen Ji cried.

"Mother..." Cao Rui winced.

"Meh, all Zhen Ji believe in her imagination is harmony and righteousness. What do you even see in her, Cao Pi," Guo Wang crossed her arms.

"..." Cao Pi didn't answer.

"It appears my judgement on Wei Kingdom is accurate. They're all evil and Wu too," Zhuge Liang concluded.

"How could you say that? Do you not have any sympathy over Zhen Ji? What about those who want to be forgiven in Wu? Sun Shang Xiang among others?" Zhao Yun disagreed.

"Zhao Yun, this is how it works in our world. The Three Kingdoms is black and white," Liu Bei urged.

"Cao family are evil! Greed! Power hunger warmongers! Murders!" Ma Chao shouted.

"At least, they got some competition," Huang Zhong stares at Xiahou Yuan.

"And Wu killed Guan Ping forcing me to marry Liu Chan!" Xing Cai growled.

"..." Zhao Yun can only watch as ShuHan becomes more hated than CaoWei.

"Wow, so much had happened after I died," Pang Tong rubbed his head with his staff.

"Those pitiful Shu losers are making more enemies than us," Guo Wang glanced at Cao Pi.

Cao Pi laughed softly. Everything went perfect on the abdication of the Han.

"Well, after all the chatter, it was me and my family that ended the Three Kingdoms, I own them all! All!" Sima Yi sat down with his wife Zhang Chunhua on his lap.

"So that's Yue Ying, Zhuge Liang's wife?" Zhang Chunhua scanned at the brunette.

"Yes, she's the smartest woman in the era, yet to see such a woman with an admirable failure who made fun of me a lot," Sima Yi nodded.

"LOL Zhuges..." Sima Zhao snickered.

"So there you have it, the entire true about Cao Wei. The kingdom you never know if loyalty and honor are the qualities of the most powerful kingdom, but in terms of talent, it all comes down to which family is the most powerful to convert into. Some Han loyalist jump ship to Cao family leaving Liu Xie totally powerless and disrespected. Some Cao loyalist jump ship to Sima family leaving everything Cao Cao had done went up in smoke along with the pointless contributions of his officers who died. What's the point dethroning the Han to start the Three Kingdoms era? The answer is power. Cao Pi is the power and his followers who choose him to succeed, jump ship and plot the abdication," SilentNinja said.

"I think you're being a little biased there," Cao Pi glared at SilentNinja.

"What's the point marrying someone who honor the Han?" SilentNinja glared back.

"Whatever..." Cao Pi sighed.

The screen fades to black, not before Zhao Yun pop up on the circle.

"We should have won..." Zhao Yun sighed.

"Correction, you should have removed Yuan Shao when joining Gongsun Zan had my life not been for feminine abuse..." Zhen Ji shook her head.

"Well, that's what happens when I jump ship. Zan's army barely trust me and that's the point of a kingdom's fall. Just look what happened when I opposed the Yi Ling war..." Zhao Yun said.

"Kingdom...of...Greed..." Wei Yan nodded.

The talk show ends.


End file.
